Relapse

I knew the shit was gonna hit the fan
I knew I was tipping my hand
I let it get out of control
Now I'm stuck in this stinking hell hole

Princella

Mother?
Tramp?
Saint?
Bitch?
You are me and I am you...which one am I?
You left me...I lost my mind
Did you exist?
If so where are you?
Are you in the kink of my hair? The rhythms of my hips?
I love you a unknown entity
I see your life as I live mine
Are you there?
I remember only your smell
You were the first to break my heart...how many more?
I went to honor you today because I miss you
Do you know how much I miss you
Then I see my own
Does she look like you? Who is she?
Princella I try...I do.
I want you...I've never wanted anyone as badly as I've wanted you!!
You are MY First love...my only true love
Damn...

The Women

 Last night I relaxed my mind long enough to watch a movie. For some reason I settled on The Women I say this because it's been on a million times and I've never had an inkling to watch it before. I'd saw the original with Joan Crawford so I figured there wasn't any way the second one could compare with the first. Boy was I wrong. I loved this movie I plan on buying it on DVD. I related to the main character Mary played by Meg Ryan. I loved the fact there were no men in the remake just as in the original. The plot was Mary a seemingly happy but bored designer who's husband is found out to be cheating on her with a hot chick played by Eva Mendez. Mary's best friend's find out and confront the hussy and then Mary goes off on a woman's retreat to get her mind right. There she meets a woman played by Bette Midler (who I love) Bette's character ask Mary "What do You want?" She goes on to tell Mary she has to find out what she wants and be selfish about it, she said remove everything that is negative out of your life, live your dream. The Great Bette Midler was talking to me. I watched the movie and rooted for Mary even though I knew everything would turn out right after all it is a movie.

Then I thought about  my life. I sat down and wrote a list of everything I wanted in my life. Do you know the list did not include a man (the last one did). After I made the list I looked it over and I was very proud of it because I didn't post material things I posted spiritual wants, my book being published and the want of health, happiness and a stronger family. I posted I knew the truth was in me and my wanting to travel. I added a red paper heart put it in a plastic baggie and sealed it with a sign over it with Protected from now on I will protect my heart.   You know I've been here in my life before. Betrayed, unwanted and sadden by the lost of what I thought was love. I never took the time to just completely focus on me I was too busy trying to look for someone else to fill my days and nights with pretty lies. I'm not looking anymore! I am going to concentrate wholly and totally on ME!!!

Yoga

I made it my business to check out the yoga class at the gym last night and I'm so glad I did. I had fun but I must admit I wanted to walk out with all the stretching and stuff but I didn't I stayed to the end. This was the best part of the class. We all lay down on the floor on our backs and spread out our legs and arms the instructor turned out the lights and told us to close our eyes and focus on our breathing. She turned on some relaxing music and told us to focus on mind body and spirit. At the very end of the class we sat up and put our hands in a praying pose and thanked the spirit. Wow I thought this was something like going to church except this was way better. I felt tired but damn good at the end of class. She invited me to the Ab's class she runs on Wednesday and I will be there. This is just the beginning of focusing on MY wants and needs for once.

Beyoncé - Irreplaceable

I should have told Dude to the left a long time ago. I forgot who I was and I was willing to sacrifice myself for his love.  I saw this shit coming I swear I did. I think back on all the lies he told and I am astounded I actually believed his BS. This has been running through my head all day. The false promises, lies and bullshit I accepted just to be with him it was straight crazy. Now I'm sitting up here with cramps all in my stomach, can't eat and my mind is just racing with thoughts of revenge. But it's all good I'm not even gonna go there.

Putting in Work

As I go through this shit Again

I think about all the time I spend

trying make this work I should have been WORKING ON ME!

I call my girls we all admit that most men we meet anit about Shit!

I cry...I scream...then I dream

about a day when everything will be okay!

I Will Survive I Say!!

I got to learn to love myself I SHOUT!

I lose the weight, buy the clothes, go to the bars and strike a pose!

I paste on the smile all the while wondering if it's even worth it.

I look in the mirrors behind the bar...I get up and leave
Shit I gotta put the working in me.

Don't Spit in my Face and tell me it's raining!

I saw you. No you didn't.
Drip...
Who is she? Who is who?
Drop...
Where were you? I was with the kids.
Drip...Drop...
Why didn't you answer your phone? It was on airplane mode.
Drop...Drip...
Wait a minute...why are you lying to me?
Baby...I'm not lying...it's raining.